People Pleasing Struggles and Goal Achievement (Day 5)
Jan 04, 2023There are 2 very different ways that people pleasing can effect your goals.
1. You think you are flaky, bad at goal achievement, and if you do actually meet a goal, you're not satisfied. You probably use the word "SHOULD" in your goals.
You SHOULD lose weight.
You SHOULD apply to medical school.
You SHOULD start trying to have a baby.
These goals set you up to fail because THEY ARE NOT YOUR GOALS.
They're the goals you think society or a person you care about has for you.
Because they're not your goals, you're just not motivated to achieve them. But instead of realizing that your goal picking needs some adjustment, you believe that there is something wrong with you.
Start replacing the word SHOULD in your goals with one of these 3 words
WANT
ENJOY
CHALLENGE
What do I WANT to achieve?
What would I ENJOY learning?
What CHALLENGE would help me to grow?
2. If you have a goal of making friends as an adult, people pleasing is probably a challenge for you too. - Even if you don't have any friends.
If you feel lonely, or don't know how to make friends, people pleasing might be the farthest thing from your mind, but actually, it is setting you up for failure.
If you make an offer for a 'friend date' to someone and they either don't accept or flake out, it feels like rejection. And a few of these experiences might make you give up on your goal of making adult friends all together.
You're believing that you failed to please the other person.
The reality is that pleasing the other person should never be your goal to begin with.
With romantic dating, most of us understand that the goal is not to please our date, but to learn if we're a good match. Rejection doesn't mean there is something wrong with us, just that we're not a match. Ultimately we only need 1 romantic partner, so it's easy to see.
Applying this same mindset to friend dating is the right approach too. You only need 2-3 close friends. So finding those 2-3 people in a sea of many will take time. Keep making offers - just like with romantic dating - don't get discouraged - and know that when you match, it will be epic. You just have to keep offering.
Have some big goals you want help with? Start by joining the FREE Goals Sessions offered Live in January of 2023, and as replays later.
Grow Gritty Happy and Successful!
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